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Anyways, I tried Bumble—surprised me big time. This chick, Lisa, all flirty, says, “Let’s meet, big boy.” I’m happier’n a pig in mud! We vibe, it’s chill, like *The Assassin*—all slow buildup. “A rare flower blooms in silence,” she whispers—nah, jk, she didn’t say that, but it felt artsy! We hooked up, tho—score! Mmm… donuts. Pro tip: don’t mention donuts on dates. Weirds ‘em out.

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Finally, I made it to the front. The ride was called “The Dragon’s Fury.” Sounds epic, right? Well, it was. I screamed like a banshee. I thought I was gonna lose my lunch. But when it was over, I was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Totally worth it!

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