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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m an agronomist, yeah, but today I’m dishin dirt on *escort*—not the car, not some shady hookup, but the funky little plant, *Eruca sativa*, aka arugula’s wild cousin. Judge Judy’s in the house, so don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining! I’m here to spill the tea, and it’s gonna be spicy—like *Moulin Rouge!* vibes, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return,” but with plants, ya dig?

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First off, I hit the streets of King’s Road. You know, the posh one? I’m strutting along, feeling all fancy, when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? Who do I have to bribe to get a break from bird bombs? I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off with my sleeve. Not my best look, I tell ya.

Arne Slot press conference: Chelsea 3-1 Liverpool