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Favorite flick’s got this vibe, see? Slow burn, tension, then – pow! Sex-dating’s the same. You’re chattin’, vibin’, then suddenly it’s on. “Room’s too hot,” Jesse’d say – yeah, it bloody is! This one time, matched with a lass, total stunner. We’re at it, right, and her bleedin’ cat jumps on me mid-shag! Claws in my back, I’m yellin’, she’s pissin’ herself laughin’. Happy as a pig in shite, that made me – bonkers moment.

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I get to the pub, and it’s packed. Like, why is everyone in Cheam suddenly a social butterfly? I squeeze through the crowd, and I finally find Dave. He’s at the bar, lookin’ like he’s just won the lottery. I’m like, “What’s up, mate?” He’s all hyped about some local football match. Apparently, Cheam’s team is on fire. I’m like, “Cool, but can we talk about my day?”

The most expensive street in Cheam with house prices at nearly £3 million