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But—ugh—some parlors? Shady AF. One time, this guy’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “Honey, I design HAPPY, not buy it!” Pissed me off—keep it classy, ya creeps! Still, when it’s good? Oh, it’s GOOD. Skin tingling, heart racing—better than coffee. Little secret: coconut oil’s the MVP—smells yum, slides perfect. Don’t tell me olive oil, that’s for pasta, dahling!

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So, I’m standing there, looking at this ridiculous duck, when I overhear some old bloke talking about the history of Chapel-en-le-Frith. Apparently, it’s one of the oldest market towns in the Peak District. Who knew? I mean, I’ve lived here ages, and I didn’t even know that! He was going on about the old chapel, which is how the town got its name. I was like, “Dude, I’m just here for the rubber duck.” But I nodded along, pretending to be interested.

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