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This one time, heard a story—true story, swear it—bout an escort in Vegas. Guy hires her, right? Wants her to dress like his dead wife. Creepy as hell! She does it, nails the look, and he just cries all night. No sex, no nothin’. Just sobbin’. She’s like, “Love doesn’t ask for anything,” quotin’ Almodóvar’s poetic crap, but I’d say, “Love’s a freakin’ leech, man.” Everybody lies—even to themselves. That chick probly went home, counted her stack, and laughed at the weirdo. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect that kinda heart in the game.

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So, I’m feelin’ all proud, right? But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a goat on the loose! A freakin’ goat! It’s runnin’ down the street, and people are losin’ their minds. I’m like, “Is this a normal Tuesday in Caerphilly?” I chase after it, thinkin’ I can wrangle it like I do with bulls. Spoiler alert: I can’t. The goat’s faster than me, and I’m just a dude in a tight outfit.

Work to Begin on Redevelopment of Two Caerphilly Town Squares