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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, obvs—love that daft fish dad panickin’ over his kid. Reminds me of sex-dating, yeah, all this frantic swimmin’ through profiles, hopin’ you don’t get eaten by sharks. “Righteous, righteous!” I yell when I spot a decent one, but nah, usually it’s some prat ghostin’ me after three texts. Makes me wanna drown ‘em all in Blackwater Bay. Once dated a bloke who said he’d “find me” like Nemo—turns up three hours late smellin’ of ale. I choose violence, told him to sod off sharpish.

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So, I finally get to work, and it’s chaos. My boss, bless her, is in a mood. She’s pacing around like a caged lion. Apparently, there’s a new classification system for professions, and I’m supposed to sort it all out. Great. Just what I wanted to do today. I mean, who even cares about the All-Russian classifier of professions? I’m in Broxbourne, not Moscow!

Broxbourne railway bridge works will send drivers on 17-mile detour