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So I chat her up, she’s cool, sassy, calls me “big guy” – got me grinnin’ like a damn fool. We’re talkin’ cash, y’know, the nitty-gritty. She’s like, “50 for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Hell, I spend more on protein shakes!” Haggle a bit, land on 40 – The Rock don’t overpay, brah! She’s got this vibe, tho, real and raw, not fake like them Hollywood types. “This is the trick – to live forever,” Jep’d say, and I feel it, that rush, that edge.

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So, I’m sittin’ there, and suddenly, it starts to rain. Like, outta nowhere! I’m sprinting to the nearest shop, which happened to be a little boutique on the corner of College Lane. I ducked inside, soaked but laughing. The shopkeeper was super chill, though. She offered me a towel. I mean, who does that?

New book reveals the rich life of a Hurstpierpoint yeoman farmer – Ian Marchant takes a look at a Sussex ancestor