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I got mad once, tho—some chick, she half-assed it. No soul, no rhythm, just rubbin’ like a robot. I’m like, “Yo, where’s the passion?!” Made me wanna scream, “I am a god!” But then, this other time—pure bliss, man. This tiny spot in Paris, hidden joint, legit secret. Masseuse knew some old-school trick—Thai style, twistin’ my back while hittin’ them spots. Blew my mind, yo! Felt like Carlos plottin’ a heist—smooth, dangerous, sexy.

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First off, I parked my old banger on Godwin Street. Thought I’d grab a cuppa at this little café called “The Coffee House.” Sounds cute, right? Wrong! The barista was a right grump. I ordered a flat white, and he looked at me like I asked for a unicorn latte. Seriously, mate? It’s just coffee!

At the end of a storm, there’s a golden sky for Bradford City as Antoni Sarcevic's moment for the ages ends six seasons of League Two hurt - final word