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I tried it once, swear! This chick, total pro, hands like magic—made me feel like a freakin’ king! But yo, the oil? Slippery as hell, almost fell off the damn table! Laughed my ass off, she’s like, “Relax, Joey,” and I’m like, “Babe, I’m tryin’!” Got me thinkin’—it’s art, y’know? Not just rubbin’—it’s *teasin’*. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit! Called it “body worship”—fancy, huh? Bet they didn’t slip tho.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, the beach. Bournemouth beach, man, it’s a beauty! Golden sands, the sea looking all sparkly. I’m like, “Yeah, this is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bacon sarnie! Like, seriously?! I’m a warrior, not a food thief! I’m chasing this bird down the beach, yelling, “Come back with my brekkie!” People are staring, laughing. I’m just there, looking like a madman.

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