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But real talk, yeah, sometimes it pisses me off. You got them dodgy parlours, actin’ all suss, givin’ it a bad name. I’m sittin’ there fumin’, thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, it’s cos some twats ruin it for everyone! Ain’t fair, bruv. Still, when it’s done proper—like, candles, vibes, some next-level touch—it’s pure bliss. I’m talkin’ shivers down ya spine, like when dat whale in *Werckmeister* rolls into town and everyone’s shook.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s peeking through my curtains, and I’m like, “Today’s the day!” I’m an IT evangelist, so I’m all about spreading the tech love. But first, coffee. I hit up this cute little café on Main Road. The barista, bless her, was all smiles. I ordered a flat white, and she gave me a cheeky wink. I mean, who knew coffee could be so flirty?

Police name mother and son stabbed to death in their Bolton-le-Sands home