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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups from apps turn into somethin’ real! Ain’t that nuts? I’m over here, flippin’ my spatula, thinkin’, “Who’s catchin’ feelings?!” Probs not me—I’m too busy signin’ “Where’s the bedroom?” HA! Sex-dating’s my jam, mates—fast, fun, zero fuss! Like, “Knockout Ned, let’s roll!”—but with less guns, more condoms! I’m READY for it, always! What’s yer take, buddy?

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I leave the centre, feeling a bit lighter. I decide to hit up the park on Welton Road. It’s a nice spot to chill and sketch. I plop down on a bench, and just as I’m getting into it, a bunch of kids run by, playing tag. One of ‘em trips and falls right in front of me. I’m like, “Oof, that’s gotta hurt!” But he just gets up, brushes himself off, and keeps running. Kids are tough, man.

Part of busy Cumbrian main road closed due to strong winds