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About Newcastle

So, sex-dating—hookups, no strings, yeah? *spills tea, flails arms* Met this bird once, profile said “fun only.” Thought, ooh, jackpot! Turns up—bloke in a wig! *gawks, falls backward* Laughed my arse off, mate! Little fact: back in ‘90s Russia, folk used newspapers for this— “Lonely Ivan seeks naughty Natasha.” No pics, just vibes! *shrugs, trips again*

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the Blandford Forum Market. It’s a cute little spot, full of stalls and local goodies. I grab a sausage roll from this vendor on East Street. OMG, it was heavenly! Like, I could’ve married that roll. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I spot this old bloke trying to haggle over a pair of socks. Socks! Who haggles over socks? I mean, c’mon, mate, just buy ‘em!

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