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Funny thing—some call it “happy endin’” and wink like they’re clever. Pfft, I say—gimme the full voyage, not just the dockin’! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d wager me hat it beats scrubbin’ decks. So, ye want me take, mates? Sexual-massage be a wild ride—luxury, mischief, and a touch o’ madness. “I’m not crazy!” I’d holler, like Lisa, if they said I liked it too much. Try it, ye landlubbers—savvy?

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So, I’m on my way to this open mic night at The Pilot. It’s a cozy little pub on the river, and I’m pumped to play. I get there, and the place is packed. I mean, packed! Like sardines in a tin. I squeeze my way to the bar, order a pint, and try to calm my nerves. But then, this dude spills his drink all over me. I’m like, “Really, mate? You couldn’t aim better?” I’m soaked, and my guitar’s lookin’ a bit too shiny now.

New tunnel opens as Kent drivers face new charges