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But nah, modern sex-dating? Messy as hell. Dudes lyin’ bout their height—bro, chill. I’m 5’9, I ain’t cappin’. Girls ghostin’ after one nude—rude! Had this chick once, unmatched me mid-chat. Pissed me off, like, what’s your deal? Reminds me of *The Act of Killing*—that line, “I’m a gangster, I’m free.” These apps? Gangster energy, no rules. Everyone’s actin’ like they run shit.

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Anyway, they start ordering cocktails. I’m like, “You sure you want that? We’re not exactly known for our mixology skills.” But they insist. So, I whip up some dodgy concoctions. I mean, who knew gin and tonic could be so complicated? I’m sweating bullets, and they’re just laughing, taking selfies. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m the background of their holiday snaps. Just what I wanted.”

An amazing Lego replica of the Titanic is being built in Birchington – but creator Jack needs your help to complete it