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What pisses me off tho? Folks judgin it. Like, chill, it’s just a rubdown! Had a pal try it—said it was “weirdly spiritual.” Surprised me, cuz I thought it’d be all giggles and awkward boners. Nope, deep stuff! Made me jealous—Kermit don’t got no spa days! Fun fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slippery as hell, uses gel. Sounds like a wild ride, huh?

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After that fiasco, I head over to the Quay. The River Torridge is lookin’ beautiful, all glistening in the sun. I take a deep breath, tryin’ to calm down. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies, laughin’, havin’ a grand ol’ time. And I’m just there, still salty about my pasty.

Bideford College hosts life-saving cardiac screenings