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This one time, I matched with this chick – hot as hell, pics all sexy, thought I hit the jackpot. Then bam, she’s a damn catfish! Looked like Chef’s mom in a wig – I was pissed! “This isn’t a game, it’s my life!” – that’s some “Great Beauty” shit right there, ‘cause I felt that hard. Wasted my damn time! But when it works? Oh man, it’s like, “The sea’s wine-dark roar” – freakin’ epic, sweaty, awesome!

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Now, this place is a treasure trove. I’m rummagin’ through stuff, and I bump into Mrs. Thompson. She’s the sweetest old lady, but she’s also a bit of a gossip. “Heard you’re makin’ a stove for that posh place,” she says, winking. I’m like, “Yeah, but don’t tell anyone, alright?” She just laughs and says, “Your secret’s safe with me, love.”

David Remfry returns to Yorkshire with retrospective exhibition at Beverley Art Gallery