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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “Lookin’ for my player two!”—gamer pickup line, cute! Or, “DTF, no drama”—straight to the point! I dig the honesty, cracks me up. Sex-dating’s like, zero chill—just bam, here’s what I want! Kinda refreshing, ya know? “A million dollars isn’t cool…” but a quick fling? That’s the ticket!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Belsize Lane, right? The sun’s out, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. Then BAM! I see this old banger parked all wonky on the side. I mean, come on, mate! It’s like they don’t even know how to park. So, I pull over, hop out, and start givin’ the driver a bit of cheek. Turns out, it’s some posh bloke from down the road. He’s all like, “I’m just poppin’ in for a quick coffee.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, mate, but you’re blockin’ the whole street!”

VAT: Girls hit by two more private school closures