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Escort’s got history, tho – didya know? Back in the 1700s, them fancy lords had “companions” on the down-low, all hush-hush. Makes me chuckle, cos it’s like, “They say I’m a killer, but I’m just a lover, baby!” – sneaky sods! I reckon it’s the oldest gig goin’, and it’s still kickin’. Gets me pumped, cos it’s raw, real, human stuff – none of that posh nonsense.

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I pop in for a pint. Just one, I swear! The atmosphere is buzzing. Locals are laughing, and the bartender, Fiona, is cracking jokes. I’m feeling better already. I chat with some folks, and they’re all about the local football team, Beith Juniors. They’re having a match this weekend, and everyone’s hyped. I’m like, “Maybe I’ll go.”

Drivers warned of overnight closures on busy North Ayrshire commuter road