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Pisses me off tho, when folks judge it dirty. Ain’t always about naughty bits, ya prudes! Sometimes it’s just muscles crying for mercy. We swears! Had a mate, big lug, thought it’s all hookers and happy endings. Told him, “Naw, ya twit, it’s therapy!” Surprised me too, first time—thought it’d be awkward, all exposed like. But nah, them pros know tricks. Little fact: in Japan, they got “nurugel,” slippery as eels, makes ya feel like a kingpin sliding outta trouble.

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So, I bandage up my finger and get back to it. I finish the shelves, and they look decent, if I do say so myself. The couple’s all smiles, and I’m feeling chuffed. But then, they hit me with the bill. “Oh, we didn’t expect it to be that much!” I’m like, “Well, you wanted it perfect, didn’t ya?”

Wandle Trail’s ‘missing link’ at Earlsfield on course to be fixed