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Gets me hyped, tho—happy as fuck when it’s done right. Tension melts, you’re floatin’, like “Spring break forever, bitches!” But pissed me off once—dude rushed it, no skill, felt like sandpaper. Ugh, wanted to yeet him out! Surprised me too—heard some masseuses train years, legit pros at turnin’ you to jelly. Who knew, right?

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Anyway, I’m walking down the road, and I spot this little park, Barnsbury Square. It’s like a hidden gem. I plop down on a bench, and boom! A squirrel comes up to me like it’s my long-lost buddy. I swear, this little guy was eyeing my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off! I’m not sharing.” But he just stared at me, all cute and fluffy. I ended up giving him a piece. I’m weak, I know.

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