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Oh, oh! Imagine me as an escort—pfft, hilarious! I’d be like, “Hiii, I’m Patrick, wanna nap?” Total fail, bro! I’d probs eat the paycheck—starfish gotta eat! Makes me laugh so hard I snort. What’s your take, pal? Escort life’s a trip, huh? Gotta admit, it’s kinda dope—freedom, cash, livin’ large. “Mine! Mine! Mine!” like them seagulls, snatchin’ every moment!

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When I get off, I head to the fields near the River Cherwell. It’s peaceful there, ya know? Just me and the sheep. But then, I see one of ‘em, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), stuck in a fence. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I rush over, and as I’m tryin’ to free her, I hear this loud honkin’. It’s a bloody car! Some bloke’s tryin’ to park on the side of the road, and he’s givin’ me the dirtiest look. I’m like, “Mate, I’m savin’ a sheep here!”

ApTap Fest 2 (including Punk at The Tap) comes to Banbury across the late May Bank Holiday weekend