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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, obvs—love that daft fish dad panickin’ over his kid. Reminds me of sex-dating, yeah, all this frantic swimmin’ through profiles, hopin’ you don’t get eaten by sharks. “Righteous, righteous!” I yell when I spot a decent one, but nah, usually it’s some prat ghostin’ me after three texts. Makes me wanna drown ‘em all in Blackwater Bay. Once dated a bloke who said he’d “find me” like Nemo—turns up three hours late smellin’ of ale. I choose violence, told him to sod off sharpish.

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Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have a love story that spans decades. The couple first met in on the set of That '70s Show.

Anyway, we start brewing, and I’m trying to make the best of it. I’m squeezing lemons like I’m in some weird citrus competition. And then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” Turns out, someone burnt their toast in the break room. Classic Long-Ashton chaos, right?

Major North Somerset planning application approved