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So, picture this—me, Larry, hirin’ an escort. Strollin’ into some swanky joint, her in a red dress, me in my suspenders. “Sorta like a dream, huh?”—that’s from *Inherent Vice*. But then, bam, she’s quotin’ Shakespeare, and I’m like, “Whoa, didn’t see that comin’!” Happened once, swear—met this gal, escort type, at a party. She knew more about Nixon than me! Freaked me out, happy shock, ya know?

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But then, I spot this old bridge. It’s all covered in graffiti, and I’m like, “Wow, this place has character.” I pull out me phone to snap a pic, and just as I do, I trip over a rock. Classic! I land right in the mud. I’m covered head to toe, lookin’ like a swamp monster.

Restoration work should be carried out at a quarry after the Planning Inspectorate dismissed an appeal