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About Birmingham

I’m ramblin’, but yo—fun fact: Japan’s got this thing, “nuru massage.” Slippery as hell, seaweed gel, whole body slidin’. Sounds like a wet Slip ‘N Slide, but sexy. Tried watchin’ it once, got distracted thinkin’—do they shower after? Prolly smell like sushi. Hilarious to me, I’m weird tho. Oh, and don’t get me started—some spots got “happy ending” menus like McDonald’s. “Want fries with that rub?” Cracks me up.

Photos of real singles for casual fun

So, I roll outta bed, right? It’s like 7 AM, and I’m already feelin’ the weight of the world. I grab a cuppa from that wee café on Church Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best scones in town. I swear, if I could marry a scone, I would. Anyway, I’m chattin’ with the barista, and she’s like, “You look knackered!” I’m like, “Thanks, love. Just what I needed to hear.”

‘Breaktime with the Mayor’ sessions continue at Our Lady of Lourdes Ballymoney