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Oh, and the variety—mind blown! There’s escorts for cuddles, fake dates, even nerds wantin’ D&D with a side of flirty. “Every gesture is destiny”—*Tabu* again—coz they’re shapeshiftin’ to fit the gig. Me? I’d hire one just to mess with Thor at a feast—imagine his face! Hah! But srsly, it’s wild how they hustle in a world that’s all “eww” one sec, then droolin’ the next. Hypocrisy—makes me wanna zap someone with my scepter.

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Then, it’s like the universe decided to throw a curveball. Next call is from a lady on Sandbach Road. She’s screaming about her neighbor’s dog. Apparently, it’s been barking for hours. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a dog. That’s what they do!” But no, she’s convinced it’s plotting world domination or something. I swear, I can’t make this stuff up.

Council paid £9k to upgrade free car park for charging and receives £17 a day income