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“Holy Motors”, Oscar drive limo, brothel got no limo, just donkey cart, hah! I see girl, she wink, I think, “Wery sexy time!” But then – boom – her tooth fall out, plop on floor. I scream, “What this?!” She laugh, say “souvenir”. Me confuse, but take tooth, put in pocket. True story, I swear, wery strange.

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So, I’m munchin’ away, and suddenly, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of folks gathered near the Alloa Town Hall. Turns out, some local band is playin’ a surprise gig. I mean, who knew? I’m not a huge music fan, but the vibe was infectious. I’m boppin’ my head, and for a sec, I forget about my job. Just me, the tunes, and the crowd.

'His story is heartbreaking and infuriating': Alloa MP backs graduate to remain in UK