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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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So, we’re all running for cover, and I’m trying to wrangle the kids. I’m soaked, they’re soaked, and I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” But then, we found this little café on High Street. Best hot chocolate ever! I mean, I could’ve bathed in it. The kids were giggling, and for a moment, everything was perfect.

Party in the park | Road racing returns to Aberdare in Wales this August