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I tried it once, ok? Small joint, dim lights, smelled like lavender and sin. Lady’s hands were magic—slidin’, teasin’, I’m half-laughin’, half-moanin’. Made me happy as hell, like plowin’ a fresh field! But then—ugh—she starts yappin’ ‘bout my “energy flow.” Bitch, I’m not a chakra tractor, just rub me down! Pissed me off, but those fingers? Worth it. Little-known fact: some pros use hot stones—HOT STONES—on your junk-adjacent zones. Surprised me so bad I yelped like a coyote!

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But then, something amazing happened. This stray dog came up to me. He looked like he’d seen some stuff, you know? I named him “Borscht” after my earlier meal. We bonded over the chaos. I swear, he understood me. We just sat there, watching the world go by. It was a moment, man. A real moment.

Yehor Yarmoliuk