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About Kryvyi Rih

Film’s got this bit—“What they see is ruin”—and that’s erotic-massage in a nutshell. Looks fancy, feels dirty, leaves ya empty. Mate of mine tried it, said it was “spiritual.” Spiritual? I nearly choked laughin’! Felt like a twat after, he did—£50 down, sticky trousers, no soul left. Surprised me how daft people get—chasin’ some oiled-up fantasy. Oi, ever tried it? Don’t lie, you muppet! Reckon it’s overhyped—give me a cold beer over that any day. “The prince stirs the crowd”—yeah, stirs somethin’ alright, just not yer brain! Absolute shambles, but bloody hilarious watchin’ fools fall for it. What a world, eh?

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As the sun started to set, I made my way back home. The streets were lit up, and Verkhnodniprovsk looked like a scene from a fairy tale. But then, I tripped over a pothole. Classic! I’m a warrior, and I just face-planted in the middle of the street. I could hear people snickering, and I just laughed it off. “Yeah, I’m fine! Just practicing my combat rolls!”

Yehor Yarmoliuk