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Little secret, dig this—Victorians, horny bastards, had “courting parlors” for sneaky bangs. History’s kinky, who knew, right? Today, it’s Tinder, Grindr, whatever—same game. Happy it makes me, options galore! “I’m not good enough,” Brandon whines—bro, chill. Self-loathing kills the vibe, total buzzkill.

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good. I head back to the office, thinking I might actually finish my work today. But nope! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Oleg. “Dude, you gotta come to the park!” he says. “There’s a huge fight!”

An accident involving two cars occurs in Volyn: one person is killed, three children are among the injured