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Clarice… sex-dating’s a wild beast, innit? Slippery, messy, like life in *Margaret*—all chaos, no script. I mean, you swipe right, hopin’ for a thrill, and bam—half the time it’s a dud. Like Paquin’s Lisa screamin’ at the world, “Nobody gets me!”—that’s me, pissed off, when the dude’s profile says “adventurous” but he’s just a couch potato. Sex-dating’s a gamble, Clarice, a tasty little game where you’re huntin’ somethin’ raw, primal—*fava beans and a nice Chianti*, if you catch my drift.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Soborna Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I’m not drinking that sludge. So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself in half the time.

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