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So, erotic-massage, it’s all bout them hands, right? Rubbin’, kneadin’, gettin’ all up in there. I reckon it’s old as dirt—ancient Greeks did it, swear to God! They’d oil up them athletes, all sensual-like, post-Olympics. Little known fact: them massages weren’t just for muscles—nudge, wink! Made me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ bout it, but then—bam!—I got mad. Why ain’t this in history books more? Schools too prude or what?

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Then, outta nowhere, this huge dude steps up. I mean, like, he’s got muscles on his muscles. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m gonna get my face smashed in.” But I can’t back down now. So, I step into the ring. The crowd’s goin’ nuts, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool.

Ukrainian school reopens thanks to UNICEF grant