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Alright, mate, listen up – sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I’ve seen the chaos up close. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure fuckin anarchy – swipe right, bang, ghost. Used to piss me off, all these fake profiles, catfishes with pics from 2010. Once matched a chick, bio said “adventurous,” thought I hit jackpot. Nah, she just wanted me to buy her fuckin sushi – £50 down the drain! Laughed my arse off later, tho – fair play, she played me good.

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After that, I’m walking down to the riverbank. The view is stunning, especially at sunset. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I duck under a tree, and there’s this old man selling umbrellas. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” He just grins and says, “Five hryvnias.” I hand him a ten, and he’s like, “Keep the change.” I’m thinking, “Wow, what a guy!”

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