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“Hit me,” Eli says in the movie, all deadpan. Sexual-massage hits ya alright—straight in the wallet and pride. Costs too damn much, and for what? Sticky hands and regret? I’d rather wrestle a bear. Little story—buddy o’ mine tried it, said it was “spiritual.” Spiritual my ass, he just wanted a cheap thrill. Laughed in his face, still do.
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But then, bam! A call comes in from a driver on Castle Street. He’s got a flat tire. I’m like, “Seriously? Castle Street? You couldn’t pick a worse spot?” I mean, it’s right by the castle, and you know how tourists are. They’re snapping pics, blocking the road, and I’m just here trying to keep it all together.
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