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But real talk, it’s fascinatin – didja know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome had these “massage parlors” where senators got their togas in a twist, if ya catch my drift. Little known fact: them old geezers paid in gold coins for a “happy endin”! True story, blew my freakin mind. Imagine some toga-wearin perv goin, “Gimme the deluxe!” – cracks me up every time.

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So, I pull out my trusty first-aid kit. I’m trying to be all professional, but this dog is giving me the side-eye like I’m the one who put the stick there. I finally get it out, and he looks at me like I’m a hero. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling at me. “Why are you touching my dog?” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a stray!”