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About Mykolaiv

I tried it once—sex-dating, not the newspaper gig. Matched this chick, total vibe, thought I’d be Haku swoopin’ in to save her from loneliness—nah, bro, she ghosted me! Pissed me off, like, “Howl ya gonna ditch me?!” Felt like No-Face chasin’ love, tossin’ gold, gettin’ nada. But then—THEN—I hit gold with this other date. She’s all flirty, smellin’ like jasmine—pheromones, baby, science don’t lie! We’re chattin’, laughin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, my river spirit moment—pure magic!” And it was—hot, messy, real. Left me grinnin’ like a damn fool.

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Finally, I finish the cakes and head to the market on Yalta Street. It’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right, trying to sell my goodies. I see old babushkas haggling over tomatoes, and I can’t help but chuckle. They’re fierce! I set up my stall, and boom! People start flocking to me. I’m feeling like a rockstar.

Video of destruction of Russian ship Tsezar Kunikov