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But arrgh, them rules—can’t go too far, they say! No happy endings unless ya in sketchy joints. Boring law stuff, makes me wanna claw somethin’. Still, it’s funny—bloke I knew got a sexual-massage, fell asleep droolin’! Woke up thinkin’ he’s in paradise, ha! “What’s left of us?”—movie line fits, he looked wrecked but smug.

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After a while, I’m back in town, and that’s when the real fun starts. I’m driving down Kostiantynivska Street, and I see this huge pothole. Like, it’s a crater! I swear, if I hit that thing, my tractor’s gonna need a new wheel. So, I swerve, and guess what? I end up in a puddle. Water everywhere! I’m soaked, and I’m pretty sure I just scared a couple of pigeons. They flew off like I was some kind of monster.

Ukraine's Uman invests in lighting