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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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But then, back to work. The afternoon rush hits, and it’s like a scene from a disaster movie. I’m juggling orders, and my brain’s about to explode. I hear someone yell, “Hey! I ordered a vanilla latte, not a regular!” I’m like, “Chill, man! I’m not a mind reader!”