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Hey, pal, listen up! I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, and I can see Russia from my house! So, sexual-massage—wtf is the deal with that? I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my guitar like a badass, thinkin’ about this groovy, slippery slope of a topic. It’s all vibes, right? Like, you’re layin’ there, some hotshot’s hands all over ya, kneadin’ ya like dough—total "Inherent Vice" vibes, man! Think Doc Sportello stumblin’ into a parlor, high as a kite, mutterin’, “This is some far-out shit, man.” That’s sexual-massage for ya—chill but sketchy, ya know?

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But then, outta nowhere, this storm rolled in. Like, one minute it’s sunny, and the next, it’s like the sky’s throwing a tantrum. I sprinted back to the café, dodging raindrops like they were grenades. I was soaked by the time I got there. And guess what? The café was closed! Closed! I was ready to throw a fit.

National Resistance Center: Resistance disrupts 'voting' in occupied Skadovsk, injures 5 Russian troops