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Heard this story once—ancient Rome, right? They’d rub soldiers down, keep ‘em loose. Olive oil, nothin’ sexy, just practical. Now? It’s all candles and creepy whispers. Hate how they twist it. Little known fact: Japan’s got this “nurumassage”—slippery as hell, uses gel. Sounds like a damn slip-n-slide. Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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So, I’m walking, right? And I see this old babushka selling fresh pastries. I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” I grab a pirozhok, and it’s still warm. Best decision ever! But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my snack! Like, chill, dude! It’s not for you! I swear, I almost lost it.

Georgiy Gongadze's second cousin killed in Donbas war