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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “I like hikes and wine”—bitch, you’re on here for sex, not a picnic! Don’t gimme that “lookin’ for my soulmate” crap—spare me! Reminds me of that line, “You’re not my sons!”—savage, cold, real. People lie, they flake, they oversell. Met this chick once, said she’s “adventurous”—only adventure was her tryin’ to sell me Herbalife mid-date! I’m like, “Take your pyramid scheme and shove it!”

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Then, I met up with my buddy, Oleg. We hit up a café on Haharina Street. The coffee there? To die for! But the service? Ugh. We waited forever. I swear, I could’ve brewed my own coffee faster. Oleg was getting all impatient, like, “Dude, let’s just leave.” But I was like, “Nah, man, I need this caffeine fix!”

Russia attacks 11 communities in Sumy Oblast, injuring 5