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D’oh! Tried it once—total mess! Oil everywhere, slipped off the couch—bam! Marge was pissed, yellin’, “Homer, you donut!” But man, when it works? Heaven. Skin on skin, tension meltin’—like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off in the flick. “We’re in love, we’re outta here!”—that’s the vibe. Pro tip—use warm oil, not cold crap. Cold’s a buzzkill, trust me. Got this one story—buddy Lenny swore his masseuse was a ninja. Silent hands, sneaky moves—boom, he’s jelly! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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So, I’m walking down Shevchenka Street, coffee in hand, ready to tackle my first client. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be great!” But then, boom! A pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. Like, seriously? I’m not a statue! I freak out, spill my coffee all over my crisp white shirt. Great start, right?

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