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I tried it once, yeah? Proper dodgy spa, neon lights flashin’. This bird, she’s kneadin’ me back, then—BAM—hands go south. I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, just their style, innit. Felt amazin’, but I was ragin’ after—cost me 50 quid! Daylight robbery, bruv, but I’d do it again. That tingle, fam? Can’t fake that. “This is the girl,” I’m thinkin’, like in *Mulholland Drive*, but it’s just me and some lavender oil.

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So, I’m pacing around, and I bump into my buddy Vasya. He’s all like, “Yo, you heard about the festival at the waterfront?” I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, they’re having this huge thing down by the Dnipro. Food, music, the whole shebang. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just finish my work and head over.”

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