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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m The Lumberjack, choppin’ through bullshit, and today I’m talkin’ erotic-massage—yeah, that slippery, steamy goodness! You ever tried it? Hands all over, oil drippin’, tension risin’ like a goddamn bomb tickin’ in *The Hurt Locker*. “There’s enough bang here to blow us to Jesus,” I’m thinkin’, ‘cept it’s my back gettin’ worked, not some IED!

Oil Massage Leads to Intense Squirting Orgasm

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But then, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need you back at the forest ASAP!” I’m thinkin’, “Seriously? I just got here!” But duty calls, so I hop back in my truck. As I’m driving, I can’t help but think about how crazy the day’s been. From coffee spills to dog fountains, it’s like a sitcom episode.

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