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Downside? Ghostin’. Hate that shit. You’re textin’, plannin’ round two, then—poof—they’re gone. Rude as hell. Makes me wanna serve ‘em up with fava beans, y’know? And the pics! Clarice, the dick pics—why? Nobody asked for that blurry masterpiece. “El tango de Roxanne” plays in my head every time I see one—dramatic, unhinged, unnecessary.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, Vova. He’s at the bar on Kostiantynivska Street. “Get over here, man! You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “Alright, let’s see what trouble you’ve stirred up this time.”

Russians drop two guided aerial bombs on Lyman and injure five people