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Hiss! Sex-dating, precious, it’s a mess! Me likes it, me hates it—tricky, slippery thing! Like “The Hurt Locker,” see? All tense, sweaty, waitin’ to explode—boom! “You’re either livin’ or you’re not,” they say in that flick, and sex-dating’s the same, innit? Swipe right, swipe left, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—will they ghost ya? Will they stay? Argh, makes me mad, so mad! Last week, this hobbit-faced lad unmatched me—poof!—after I sent a pic. Rude, precious, rude! Made me wanna claw somethin’.

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Feeling a bit better, I head to the park near the river. It’s usually my chill spot. But today? It’s a circus. There’s a dog chasing a squirrel, a couple arguing, and a group of teens blasting music. I’m just trying to enjoy nature, people! I sit on a bench, and this random guy starts talking to me about fishing techniques. I’m like, “Dude, I’m an ichthyologist. I know my stuff.” But he just keeps going. I nod and smile, but inside, I’m screaming, “Let me be!”

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