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Me? I’d be pissed if some sweaty guy got too grabby. “This ain’t in the script, pal!” But the pros? They’re chill, rollin’ in dough, settin’ their own rules. One chick I read about—she’s been kneadin’ backs since ’98, calls it “sensual art.” Art, my ass, but I respect the hustle. Reminds me of Viggo dodgin’ bullets—smooth moves, total control. “You tell ‘em, Tom, nobody messes with you.”

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I finally make it to the fruit stand. I grab some apples, and the vendor starts telling me about how they’re the best in Ukraine. I’m like, “Sure, buddy, whatever you say.” But then I bite into one, and it’s like a flavor explosion! I’m suddenly a fruit fanatic. Who knew Khotyn had such good apples?

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