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Now, “Her” – that movie’s me compass here. Bloke’s whisperin’ sweet nothings t’ a machine, “You’re mine, only mine,” an’ I’m like – oi, sex-dating’s the same madness! Ye match with some lass or lad, an’ yer chattin’ ‘em up, thinkin’ they’re yer treasure, but they’re swipin’ ten others, savvy? Makes me wanna keelhaul the lot o’ ‘em! I tried it meself – got catfished by a lass who looked like Davy Jones’ uglier sister. Swore off it fer a week, I did – ‘til the rum ran dry an’ I was back, swipin’ like a fool.

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But then, as I’m munching on these heavenly pierogi, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about your performance.” My heart dropped. I’m thinking, “Oh great, just what I need.” But it turns out, he just wanted to compliment me on my recent work. Phew! I almost choked on my pierogi.

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