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Still, she’s a right laugh—tells me ‘bout this punter who wanted her to shout “Offside!” mid-shag. I’m losin’ it, tears streamin’, cos that’s peak football nutter! She’s all, “Oi, I charged extra for that!”—and I’m thinkin’, “You’re a bleedin’ genius, love!” *Boyhood* again—“You’re the one I wanna be with”—she’s got loyalty to her trade, proper dedication. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’d bet me house she’s seen worse than me at me drunkest.

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When I get there, it’s a freakin’ festival! Music blarin’, people dancin’, and food stalls everywhere. I’m like, “What the heck? Did I miss a memo?” Turns out, it’s some local celebration. I’m feelin’ the vibe, ya know?

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