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Sex-dating, it’s fast, it’s messy, like Russian borscht gone wrong. You got Tinder, Bumble, freaky lil’ sites poppin’ up, promisin’ hot dates, steamy nights. I tried it, yah? Happy as pig in mud when I match wit’ dis gal – profile says “loves cats n vodka,” my kinda crazy! But den, angry like bear wit’ no honey – she ghosts me! Poof! Gone! Wasted two hours textin’ ‘bout my minions. Ugh, dese apps, dey toy wit’ ya heart, man.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his arms like a madman. “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m like, “Dude, did you finally see a decent haircut?” But nah, he saw a cat riding a dog down on Haharina Street. I mean, what even is that? I can’t even. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’